As a society, we have a tendency to label and sort people into neat categories. We do not just put labels on those around us, as we also turn that gaze inward. Am I lovable or unlovable? Am I worthwhile or worthless? Am I a good person or a bad person? Broken or whole? What happens if you judge yourself and find yourself lacking?
We are so much more complex than any label can do justice to. We are are fluid, constantly shifting and evolving with each new experience and decision. Trying to convince ourselves that we must fit neatly into a box seems an act of futility. When we judge ourselves, we halt the progress of self-acceptance and growth. We take an experience that could be processed and transformed, but instead we distance ourselves from it by boxing it up and slapping a label on it.
Accepting that we are messy, that we thrive in the unwalled no-man’s land of creation and experience, can be a little unsettling. Sometimes that uncertainty keeps us from venturing out of the familiar mental boxes we put ourselves in; but, fear not, your you-ness (whatever you perceive it to be) will not be lost when unconfined. It simply allows us the ability to shift our perspective from being passively set in a limiting belief, into proactively embracing the freedom to create ourselves and our futures - what a powerful gift to give to ourselves!
In this space of infinite possibility, we have the building blocks to shape our reality. We can change the way we see ourselves, and by flipping negative dialogue and thoughts into proactive positive ones, we can create ripples that will change both our present and our future.
Working with a friend and colleague, I was able to see that I had an old belief that I created as a child: I was unlovable. The ripples of that belief extended throughout my life, even though I was unaware that I had formed such a conclusion at the time. I see it in my relationships with family, friends, lovers and with myself. I would tell myself that I was lovable, but that long-stored and half-forgotten belief was still boxed up tightly. It made my assertion feel hollow and shaky.
I was challenged to venture out of the model of lovability I created…to change the way I see myself, to heal old wounds, to be a conscious participant in my evolution. Stepping out of that box releases me from limiting beliefs and allows me to step into my own power. I accept that I am who I am in this moment, and I am creating the future to my specifications. It’s a process, and it’s messy and beautiful.
If you find yourself feeling stuck in a limiting belief, know that you can shift out of it and into something much more empowering. If you want a guide to help you take that step, know that you are not alone and help is available to you. It’s time to start thriving.
Each of us are devine carriers of the universal spark of life. We are beings of light. Our nature is to be passionate, creative, and connected.
These qualities may manifest in any number of ways. We might be quietly passionate about providing aid to those in need, or explosively passionate about sharing knowledge. Creativity does not end at an easel; we might be wildly creative in fields of science and mathematics by allowing ourselves to explore beyond currently held theories. We may connect deeply with the world around us in a number of ways - with nature, people, animals, spiritual beings, and subtle energies.
The common thread in all this beautiful variation is that when we tap into our true nature we let that light shine brightly. We allow ourselves to be seen, heard, and known. We proudly take up space, because we are happy to share our light. Claiming your birthright to be uniquely yourself feels amazing.
Alas, on our journey, sometimes we feel the need to hide our light. To dim that brilliance. This often happens as a result of a trauma, as a way to protect ourselves, and it too can take many forms. Oftentimes the things we notice as adults have their beginnings in our childhood.
As children, we are as close to pure and loving beings as we can be in this life. We are open-hearted vessels, exploring and learning about the world we were born into. At a young age, many of us encounter cruelty, neglect, and abuse. These things may be done do us, or we may be witnesses of it. In either case, these early experiences of how the world operates can negatively impact how we interact with the world and keep us from shining true.
These types of injuries are innumerable, and can come from schoolmates, family members, trusted adults, educators, or strangers. For instance, if one sees a parent “walking on eggshells” around a spouse who is prone to outburts, they may react by modeling their behavior on either parent as a means to protect themselves from being hurt. Left alone, this can perpetuate a cycle of unhealthy relationships as an adult.
Last year, I became aware of a tendency toward self-sabotage. I noticed a pattern in my life that when things began to start flowing nicely, that I would abandon the project, change direction, or procrastinate until it became less than what it could have been. Why? My inner child learned at an early age, due to some unkind classmates, that shining got me punished socially. I learned to be more reserved and to temper my brilliance. I was afraid to shine, and after a while I forgot why.
Inner child work (like Time Line Therapy) has deeply powerful healing abilities, as it allows us to connect to the part of ourselves that experienced that initial hurt. It allows us to show gratitude to ourselves for doing the best we were able with what we had available to us, and to choose more healthy and effective ways to do so going forward. The beautiful thing, is that you don’t even have to know what the originating experience was - your subconscious will take you exactly where you need to go.
Healing my inner child allowed me to turn the lights back on in my darkened theater, and to take center stage with confidence. I am now more self-assured in my interactions with others, and in my work. This can happen for you too.
If you feel that your light has been dimmed, or that you have experienced something that you no longer wish to have a hold on you, please feel free to reach out and book a session with me.
The time to heal your heart is now.
Having just had a powerful interaction with the spirit of my father, I found myself ready to more fully understand our connection in this life by examining the past life we shared at Versailles. During the first regression, I did not have enough time to fully explore that life and the healing potential within it. During my session, Leslie guided me into a deep state of relaxation and bade me connect with that life again.
I initially connected with the garden that I arrived in the first time. I quickly moved on and saw myself in the house wearing a greyish-blue dress with matching shoes with a beaded embellishment. I saw myself sitting and listening to a music box. It was made of metal and wood, and played very twinkly music. My mother gave it to me, and it made me feel vulnerable and sad. It made me remember the girl that I used to be before I was married. The girl I used to be was weak, in my new estimation, though I grieved her loss.
I then saw myself on my wedding night, dressed in white and sitting on the edge of the bed. My new husband had just preformed his duty, consummated the union, and left. I was alone, sad and confused. I felt betrayed and abandoned. This set the tone for the rest of our marriage. I came from a good family, and married into a good family; but, he never loved me and never wanted me. All I wanted was that love connection, to be heard, seen, and known. It was simply not available to me.
He stayed away from the house often to escape, to get away from me. I tried so hard to be someone he would love, to be a good wife, to be beautiful and pleasing. None of it worked. I became bitter, cold, and I began to lash out. I wanted him to feel all the hurt and anger that I felt. I wanted him to feel something, to acknowledge that I existed. Despite my efforts, he remained aloof, and we never connected.
I lost the girl that I used to be before my marriage to the bitterness, anger and rage. I stuffed her deep down, and only let her out when I listened to the music box. I lashed out particularly badly after those moments, feeling weak and needing to reassert myself. I was horrible to my servants and staff; I lashed out at them verbally and physically. I made them feel the feelings i would not allow myself to feel…worthless, afraid, unlovable, insecure, neglected. I did not have the capacity for remorse, as I shut that off in myself.
The abandonment I felt by my husband mirrors the abandonment that I felt of my father in this life. Leslie heard my father’s spirit apologize, not just for failing me in this life, but also for failing to heal the karma of that past life. Having come into this life before me, he was in a position of authority where he could have made me feel heard and seen. He did not, so I now have to love myself enough to allow for that growth on my own.
In order for me to heal, I had to forgive myself for being so awful to people who did not deserve it in that life. My higher self confirm that it was ok to forgive myself, as I did the best with what I had available to me at that time. I felt perfect understanding, and I saw the most beautiful intricately patterned golden light which healed like a balm. It burned away the tightness and sadness in my heart and solar plexus. All the self worth issues that I had choked down, all the feelings I would not feel in my past life, were present in this one. They followed me, because I did not deal with them then. Having acknowledged and released them, I feel so much lighter.
Leslie asked me to scan the rest of my body to see if there was anything else that needed healing. Since first regressing to this period, I noticed that I was swallowing much more than usual. I realized that I needed to heal my throat chakra, which held residual trauma from the guillotine. To do this, I envisioned my head back on my body, all the tissue knitting back together. It felt complete.
I’m so glad that I took the time to look deeper into this life. At first she just appeared to be a wildly unhappy woman. Now I know how she came to be that way. More than that, I was able to feel and work through those emotions. I feel like I have released so much, and that I have made a huge stride forward in embracing self-love and forgiveness, and allowing love to come into my life. In addition to that I have come to understand the karmic debt between my father and I.
Sometimes these karmic loops can be broken just by gleaning the wisdom from them. Looking into our past lives can help us to understand ourselves, our relationships, and how we interact with the world around us. It can provide invaluable insight into our lives, and provide deep healing opportunities.
If you feel the pull to recover some wisdom from your past lives, contact me to set up a session.
After discovering that my link to Versailles was as an abusive courtier, I was ready to dig into this woman and find out why this life was brought to my attention at this time.
My appointment with Intuitive Guide Leslie Juvin-Acker was scheduled on Halloween, a day noted for a thinning of the veil between worlds. While I am intuitive, and have had encounters with spirits, I had never openly pursued a discourse with them before. In the spirit of the holiday, I decided to open myself up to receive spirit messages. On my drive up to Leslie’s, I entered a light trance state and spoke aloud my invitation for spirits to come forward and talk with me.
I was honestly shocked that no sooner had the words left my mouth, a spirit stepped forward - my birthfather, who had passed in the Spring of 2014. My parents divorced when I was a baby, and I only occasionally saw my father as a young girl. We had become largely estranged by the time I turned 8 years old. After confirming his identity, I told him that I was surprised that he came forward. He said that he had just been waiting for an opportunity, but that he has been around more lately because I’ve been thinking of him more. This is true, I had recently done a series of inner child work to heal some of those old wounds.
The next thing that I felt was a deep sadness and regret in my chest, and my breathing became very shallow. As an empath, one of the ways that I intuitively gather information is through feeling; I have come to discern when the emotions/sensations are mine or someone else’s. My father used these physical sensations to show me how deeply sad and remorseful he felt about his actions and how they affected my life.
As a spirit, in connection with his higher self, he had access to an emotional maturity and clarity that he did not have in life. I took this opportunity to share the hurts that my younger self experienced in a way that I was unable to voice to him while he was alive. It was very healing, and I feel like we ended things on a good note. I told him that I forgave him, that it was ok, and that we would get it right next time around.
What an unexpected first foray to mediumship! Mediumship is the practice of being a messenger between the spiritual world and the physical world. Mediums are all gifted with psychic abilities, though not all psychics are mediums.
Having had this encounter with my father's spirit, I felt all the more excited for my impending visit with Leslie to find out what could be learned from looking into that past life that we shared.
Part 3, the final chapter, coming soon!
We unearth more memories, the link between the lives, and how it allowed me to heal my present life.
I have always felt a close tie with Versailles. Many years ago, before becoming fully aware of the nature of past lives, I visited the palace and declared that I had found my spiritual home. A few weeks ago, I recounted that story to a friend while we were talking about our shared love of Baroque architecture and stylings. Suddenly, a far memory pushed unbidden into my mind, and I recalled that I did indeed spend time at Versailles as a courtier during the reign of Louis XVI…I also felt that I was not a particularly good person in that life.
I did not have time to look further into it until recently at a Brian Weiss workshop. Dr. Brian Weiss is a noted Psychiatrist and and an expert in the area of past, in-between and future life journeying (many are more familiar with the term past-life regression). As this is a cornerstone of my practice, I wanted to see him speak in person - he did not disappoint!
During a group regression at the event, he had us recall a memory from our past (I recalled a scene where I was very angry with my birth father), and then Dr. Weiss guided us back further to a prior time (for me it was the lifetime in Versailles). In that life, I saw myself immaculately dressed in a salmon colored gown with bows up the bodice and lace cascading off of the sleeves at the elbow. I was wearing my hair piled high onto of my head, and it felt heavy and cumbersome. I saw myself initially in the garden behind the maison, amidst the perfectly manicured topiary.
After examining a couple of scenes from this life, one thing became very clear…I was an absolutely awful person. I saw myself sitting at my dressing table, turned around mid-screach, having just shattered something crystal against the door to my bedchamber which my husband had just shut behind him. My chambermaid was on the floor attempting to clear up the broken mess, and I kicked her in her stomach in my rage. This was not an uncommon occurrence. I was truly awful to my servants. I then skipped forward to my death, standing on a wooden stage next to my husband, awaiting our turn for the guillotine. I was grabbed on my left arm by the guard and I spat at him for daring to touch me. Up until the moment the blade came down, I was resolutely entitled, unyielding and full of contempt.
As a person resolutely against yelling and violence in my current life, I was honestly quite surprised. I recognized my then husband as my birth father from my current incarnation, though I did not fully understand the connection beyond my anger at him in both circumstances. I refused to believe that the only thing to take away from that life was to avoid being a insufferable harpy in this one, so I made an appointment with Leslie Juvin-Acker (my psychic twin) to fill in the blanks by accessing more detail from that life.
Are you curious about accessing your own past lives?
Contact me to schedule a session and explore!
Read Part 2!
I detail my surprising first foray into mediumship, where I make contact with a departed family member!
Holly Hart is a hypnotherapist & intuitive relationship coach based in Long Beach and conducts intuitive readings, energy healing, hypnotherapy, and past-life journeying services.