Are you living in the reality of your relationship or in a fantasy?
What happens when our partners don’t match up to the fantasy that we’ve created?
You meet someone special, and feel a tugging at your heart – some unknown force pulling you toward them, with every part of you aching to connect with the object of your affection. Your heart floods with the intoxicating bath of feel good chemicals, as you begin to fall in love with this person.
You may start to notice your thoughts drifting to what a future with this person might look like. Do you have a pre-set role that you want them to fulfill in your life? If so, you may pull up that trusty fantasy of the future and place the person in it as one might put a doll inside of a dollhouse. In doing this, they are made into an object for you to hang your fantasies on.
One cornerstone of a thriving relationship is honesty. We cannot connect with our partner in an authentic way if we are unwilling or unable to see them as they are...faults and all. Without this emotional intimacy, it can begin to feel very lonely and isolating. When we let go of these expectations and ideals, we get to fully experience our partner for the unique being that they are. Sometimes this brings partners closer together, and in other circumstances, it gives them the clarity needed to move on from the situation.
Our intuition is always speaking to us, commonly experienced as a "gut feeling," which alerts us to our inner wisdom on circumstances that we face. In fantasy-based relationships, we may choose to tune out those messages so that our thoughts are consistent with our chosen perception. In abusive relationships this is particularly dangerous, as we may choose to see the veneer of fantasy instead of the warning signs of a partner's toxic influence in our lives. We may be so committed to what we want, that we are unwilling to look at what we really have.
Ultimately, we have to ask ourselves whether we are truly in love with our partner, or if we are merely in love with the idea of them. Sometimes the person we are afraid to lose, was never really there to begin with.
If this resonates with you, take a moment to check in with the picture that you’ve painted of your partner, and then allow yourself to see how closely it resembles the reality of your experience. If you notice some dissonance, you may need to consider why that is, and what you are going do about it.
If you need some help unraveling that situation, reach out to me and let’s get to the heart of the matter together.
Holly Hart is a hypnotherapist & emotional wellness coach based in San Diego who conducts energy healing, hypnotherapy, and past-life journeying services.