Valentine’s Day can be a difficult time of year for those who desire healthy romantic relationships, and do not find themselves in one. It can feel like an unnecessary spotlight on painful emotions, whether you are recovering from a break up, unhappily single, or are in an unhealthy relationship.
While societal messaging is thankfully opening up to include a variety of more inclusive dynamics, our cultural messaging gives us a general relationship blueprint to find one human, generally of the opposite binary gender, whom we desire sexually and romantically to spend the rest of our lives with.
Alas, this cultural vision of an “ideal” normative future, which is shown to us repetitively in movies and literature, is not one size fits all. It simply doesn’t work for everyone, and we are beautiful in our diversity!
Unfortunately, many of us feel pressure to fit the pre-formed narrative of how we should live our lives. We may find difficulty accepting who we truly are and what we truly desire for our lives. We might even harbor anger, self-blame or guilt for who we are and what we want.
The good news is that it’s ok. It is ok to embrace the painful emotions and feelings that come up around relationships – they are telling you that your needs are not being met and that something needs to shift.
Regarding your relationships do you experience the following?
When these painful emotions and feelings pop up in your relationships, you have an opportunity to process and heal them – to heal the roots of them, so that you can nourish a healthy foundation that will bear the fruit that you desire in your love life.
By digging in and shifting our relationship with ourselves, we show others how we need to be treated in order to thrive. Self love breeds more love!
This Valentine’s Day, let’s treat ourselves the way we wish our significant other(s) would treat us. Let’s give ourselves the love that we want to share with others.
If you need help with your current romantic relationship, or just need some one-on-one guidance to create a better relationship with the person you see in the mirror, reach out to me and let’s talk about how to nourish what’s important to you.
Are you looking for an quick & easy way to show yourself some love?
Christine Arylo & Shannon Kaiser of The Path of Self Love created a beautiful poster full of Love Mantras to
start your day off on the right track and foster more self love.
Today I resonated with “I choose to be kind, gentle and patient with myself.”
Which Love Mantra are you drawn to?
Anger is a powerful emotion, and has a powerful effect on our lives whether we choose to process it consciously or not. As an active emotion, it is always being processed. Anger can catapult us forward in the direction of our choosing by to processing it productively, or it can pop up in unsuspecting ways that sabotage the life we truly want to be living by letting anger process itself destructively.
Five Ways Anger Sabotages your Life
1. Anger compromises your mental & physical health
Both angry outbursts and repressed anger are associated with heart disease, according to Dr. Chris Aiken, director of the Mood Treatment Center in North Carolina. Anger can also impact your immune system making you more susceptible to a variety of diseases. Additionally, anger is linked to mental conditions like anxiety and depression.
2. Anger creates setbacks in your career & finances
You may see the effects of anger in self-destructive behaviors that result in unrealized raises and promotions, falling behind on bills, feeling stuck in a job that you dislike, or even finding yourself unable to hold a job.
3. Anger puts stress on your relationships
Both romantic and platonic relationships are affected by how you choose to process anger. Due to the reflective quality of our reality, you may notice people in your life mirroring your passive aggressive, aggressive, or avoidant tendencies back to you. You may feel like you attract people who have difficulty managing their own anger in a healthy way, or you may find that unwanted distance is created between yourself and the people you want to be closer to.
4. Anger erodes your self esteem
Your self-esteem can take a hit when you repress anger, as your not being honest about your emotions can eventually erode the ability to truly trust yourself. Sometimes we push down our anger so far that we don’t even remember what we are angry about, or what to even label the painful emotion we have avoided feeling for years. If we no longer trust that we can find validation in ourselves, we start looking outside of ourselves for it.
5. Anger destroys self-love & hinders self-forgiveness
It is sometimes easier to recognize that we are angry at people or circumstances that have wronged us, instead of seeing underneath the outward-pointed anger, that we are actually deeply angry with ourselves. We sometimes choose to self-blame for putting ourselves in bad situations, for not heeding the warning signs, and for ignoring our intuition. When we are angry with ourselves, it can be difficult to feel like we deserve to love ourselves and accept love from others. Anger stands in the way of self-forgiveness, which begins the process of creating love again.
Now that we understand the insidious ways that Anger infiltrates our daily lives, what can we do about it?
Four Tips to Process Anger Cleanly
You can practice any kind of meditation you like, for however long you choose. Have 3 minutes in the car and want to visualize your energy centers balancing, cool! Have an hour for a guided meditation, awesome! Have 30 seconds to quiet the mental monkeys and breathe before walking into a meeting, perfect! The goal is to take time to slow down and breathe deeply.
2. Write it out
et that pent up anger travel down your arm into your fingers and get it out of your body. You can let the frustration flow in stream of consciousness writing, or you can write a letter (that you may choose not to send) to someone you are angry at.
The Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) is a powerful tool to transform the way that you process painful emotions. It uses the energy systems that we have become familiar with from Traditional Chinese Medicine practices like Acupuncture, and provides a powerfully easy way to process the painful emotions that come up in our lives.
4. Consult a professional
If you’ve tried these (or other) techniques, and are still struggling to find the resolve that you desire, it may be time to reach out to a professional that can help guide your healing process. Hypnotherapy and energy healing techniques can be very effective at discovering and releasing the roots of the anger you carry.
There is a direct connection between our emotions and our physical and mental health. Learning positive, productive emotional responses is the key to a happy healthy life. The control is in your hands; you get to choose how the next chapter of your life unfolds. Choose to create something wonderful for yourself!
Anger is often misunderstood as an emotion. People tend to think of anger as something that we must learn to rise above. That it is something that we must shun, or even beat into submission, so that we can be the perfectly calm enlightened masters of our own universe. I would argue that isn’t quite true, and that anger is not the enemy.
Anger is a beautifully positive motivating powerhouse of an emotion. It can get us out of unhealthy situations, jobs and relationships. It tells us when something isn’t quite right in our world, and it shines a big spotlight on an area that needs our attention.
Just as we are all unique individuals, we all have unique relationships with anger. We learn how to process anger at a young age from societal cues, family members, role models, spiritual guides, and any other number of sources.
How do you experience anger? Are you aggressive? Passive-aggressive? Assertive? Do you suppress it? Whatever way anger shows up in your life, it is always being processed. The key to a healthy relationship with anger is to process it cleanly and consciously.
Now, some of us may be thinking, “but, I don’t really experience anger, or I keep it in check, so this doesn’t apply to me.” I used to be one of these people! Though my work in hypnotherapy, I came to learn that I definitely was experiencing anger, and that I became so adept at suppressing it, that I didn’t even know what anger felt like anymore.
From a young age, I felt like it was not acceptable for me to express painful emotions like anger, so I started to stuff them down. Eventually, my subconscious took over that task, so that I could spend my conscious brainpower doing things that demanded more of my attention.
Our minds are always streamlining processes to be more efficient, based on things that have worked for us in the past. However, sometimes our minds operate on outdated information and limiting beliefs that may not produce the results that we desire and can actually be harmful to us.
Anger is always processed. With anger, there is no putting it in a box to deal with it later. It is an active emotion, and will leak out of whatever container we may try to keep it in and infect the rest of our lives – sometimes surprising ways.
Stay tuned for my next blog, which will go over what happens when we process anger unconsciously and messily, & for tips on how to process anger cleanly and consciously!
And, if you need help improving your relationship with anger, reach out to me and let's work on it together!
I am excited to announce that I am partnering with friend and colleague, Deborah Devar, to bring an exciting new healing opportunity to the Long Beach area just in time for the Holidays!
Holidays can be stressful, which presents the perfect opportunity to find any emotional triggers that lead you to the conditioned programs and patterning you are ready to let go of. The source of stress can be hard to find on our own. The events that created the emotional triggers may have been established early in childhood, or later on after experiencing a trauma, or perhaps the a loss of a loved one has left an emotional wound.
This workshop is the perfect opportunity to gain the tools and practice strategies so that you can use the stress that normally bubbles up during the holidays to find your blind spots. This Holiday season can be different! You can use the stress to experience a shift and gain a new vantage point. This shift will change how you respond to all stressful situations in your future. Change is possible, and we are here to guide the healing journey.
Join Deborah Devar and Holly Hart in a 2-hour workshop to delve into what has been bringing you down. You will come to understand when and why you become overwhelmed. You will begin to heal before you find yourself in the midst of the stress. You will leave with tools that will help you heal, including a trio of specially blended essential oils to help you release and transform that old energy.
We are offering this Workshop in two locations for your convenience:
7:00 PM, Tuesday, November 14th
Path to Perfect Health
3939 Atlantic Avenue #221
Long Beach, CA
9:00 AM, Sunday, November 26th
35 Linden, Suite 101
Long Beach, CA
$25 pre-registration online
$30 at the door
Deborah Devar is an established Massage Therapist here in Long Beach that has been helping to nurture clients on their personal journey to perfect health for over 35 years. In addition to massage, facials and nutrition coaching, she crafts essential oil blends to holistically transition her clients into a healthier lifestyle.
Holly Hart is an Intuitive Hypnotherapist and Relationship Coach, who helps clients to release stuck emotion, traumas, old patterns, and limiting beliefs. She enjoys using energy therapies, guided meditation, past life regression, childhood work, EFT, and NLP to help guide her clients where their heart is leading them.
Every 98 Seconds, an American is sexually assaulted (RAINN).
I am one of them – are you?
Are you still suffering from what has happened to you? Are you ready to release that trauma and heal?
Facebook and Twitter have erupted with the new consciousness-raising hashtag #MeToo from @MeTooProject, in an effort to get women to stand up in solidarity and illustrate to our communities exactly how pervasive this issue is. We’ve seen these efforts before in the hashtags #WhatWereYouWearing and #YesAllWomen, and we have seen a huge outpouring of support from people of all gender associations.
There is so much work that needs to be done to shift the cultural tide in regard to sexual violence and sexual harassment against women. There is also some work that we need to do personally to shed the layers of trauma that we have collected over the years.
The first step is acknowledging what has happened to you. I did not realize until my late-twenties that I had been the victim of sexual harassment and assault. So pervasive was the normalcy of these actions in society– that it was easy for me to accept these things as just part of life, instead of the wounding experiences that they were.
The sexual assault or harassment that we have experienced does not have to be traumatic or severe in order for us to be deeply affected. They can be built up of small and repeatable experiences that pile up until we form limiting beliefs about ourselves and our experiences.
Our future is determined, in part, by our past. We may see the shadows of those experiences in our every day life. We may avoid certain situations, places and people out of fear of what we might encounter. We may notice that we lack self-confidence and self-esteem. We may dissociate from our feelings, emotions, and even our bodies. We might have triggers that send us into a state of heightened stress and panic.
We can heal those emotional wounds. We can reprogram our minds and bodies to work for us, rather than against us. We can choose to release the trauma. When we do this, we choose to take back the power that was taken from us. We choose to stand up and say, no more.
The hashtags are helpful ways for us to see that many of us have shared experiences, and to recognize them for what they really are. They remind us that we are not alone.
I help my clients process these traumas through hypnotherapy and energy work, so that there will be more strong powerful women in the world unfettered by the shackles of their past experiences. If you are ready, reach out to me, and let’s get to the heart of the matter together.
Are you living in the reality of your relationship or in a fantasy?
What happens when our partners don’t match up to the fantasy that we’ve created?
You meet someone special, and feel a tugging at your heart – some unknown force pulling you toward them, with every part of you aching to connect with the object of your affection. Your heart floods with the intoxicating bath of feel good chemicals, as you begin to fall in love with this person.
You may start to notice your thoughts drifting to what a future with this person might look like. Do you have a pre-set role that you want them to fulfill in your life? If so, you may pull up that trusty fantasy of the future and place the person in it as one might put a doll inside of a dollhouse. In doing this, they are made into an object for you to hang your fantasies on.
One cornerstone of a thriving relationship is honesty. We cannot connect with our partner in an authentic way if we are unwilling or unable to see them as they are...faults and all. Without this emotional intimacy, it can begin to feel very lonely and isolating. When we let go of these expectations and ideals, we get to fully experience our partner for the unique being that they are. Sometimes this brings partners closer together, and in other circumstances, it gives them the clarity needed to move on from the situation.
Our intuition is always speaking to us, commonly experienced as a "gut feeling," which alerts us to our inner wisdom on circumstances that we face. In fantasy-based relationships, we may choose to tune out those messages so that our thoughts are consistent with our chosen perception. In abusive relationships this is particularly dangerous, as we may choose to see the veneer of fantasy instead of the warning signs of a partner's toxic influence in our lives. We may be so committed to what we want, that we are unwilling to look at what we really have.
Ultimately, we have to ask ourselves whether we are truly in love with our partner, or if we are merely in love with the idea of them. Sometimes the person we are afraid to lose, was never really there to begin with.
If this resonates with you, take a moment to check in with the picture that you’ve painted of your partner, and then allow yourself to see how closely it resembles the reality of your experience. If you notice some dissonance, you may need to consider why that is, and what you are going do about it.
If you need some help unraveling that situation, reach out to me and let’s get to the heart of the matter together.
Feeling bogged down with emotional residue and mental congestion?
Learn an easy 3 Step Process to shake that funk and get back to doing what you love!
Don’t get me wrong, there are important lessons to learn in sitting with painful emotions; however, sometimes they outstay their welcome and we are busy people with important things to do!
There are lots of modalities and therapies that focus on the mental aspect to clear this stuck energy. Sometimes, the right medicine might be more physical in nature, especially when we are feeling bogged down mentally.
Our bodies are full of energy centers called meridians. Most of us are familiar with the concept from acupuncture. The awesome thing is that you can stimulate these energetic points without the needles.
Here are 3 steps to get rid of the old energy and usher in the new:
Right now, as you’re reading this, take a deep even breath – a breath that opens up your whole chest, including the lower lobes of your lungs. Excellent! Now, take another one.
As we go about our daily routine, many of us forget to really breathe. Instead, we settle for shallow breaths that don’t really sustain us. A lot of meditation techniques focus first on the breathing, because it is so healthy and so important. Deep breathing has so many benefits, including detoxifying your body and bringing new energy into it.
Physically opening up your crown chakra with the Crown Pull exercise can help you to release mental congestion, calm your nervous system, and increase your connection to higher inspiration.
The Lymphatic system creates antibodies to help us combat everything from cuts to cancer. It also helps us to eliminate both chemical and energetic toxins from our bodies, like radiation and emotional residue. Stimulating your lymphatic system can clear out those stagnant energies and toxins, and leave you feeling more energized.
Neurolymphatic Reflex (NLR) points are found all over your body, and will feel sore to touch when congested. Two points that are easy to locate are on your chest.
Allow yourself to indulge in these 3 easy practices every day to clear your mind and body, and to increase the quality and quantity of your energy.
If you want more information on these, and other exercises to energize and heal your body, take a look at Donna Eden’s masterful work, Energy Medicine.
Have you noticed that you seem to attract the same types of unhealthy relationships?
Do you find yourself conflicted over whether to stay in a toxic a relationship?
Many of us have found ourselves in relationships that have not supported our highest good. Sometimes we may even find ourselves in relationships that are positively detrimental to our physical, mental or spiritual wellbeing.
What happens when we hear our inner voice whispering to (or shouting at) us to shift that energy and move forward? Do we listen, or do we ignore it?
We partner with people in our lives in order to learn and grow as individuals. We create soul contracts with others to provide opportunities to resolve old karma and patterns that we have brought into this life. We have these contracts with people that build us up, and with people that tear us down. Your relationship karma can be fulfilled in one night, or can take place over a majority of your lifetime.
The lessons we learn through people that are not healthy for us can powerfully impact our lives, but sometimes come at a terrible cost. They can range from discovering your inner strength through recovering from abuse, to uncovering your life purpose by unlocking a part of yourself that was unknown to you prior to the experience. They might even provide a wake-up call to shift out of certain behaviors and habits that may negatively impact your future.
In toxic relationships, we may lose track of ourselves as individuals, becoming lost in the other person or the in whirlwind of drama they may create. We may no longer be able to see our own value, and start to believe that we don’t deserve to be treated with love and respect. As my clients emerge from the grasps of toxicity, one of the lessons that I often see come up is the deep truth that you are enough, that you are worthwhile, that you are loved, and lovable and loving.
Healing from an unhealthy relationship takes time, courage and a resolution to shift what needs shifting in our lives and in ourselves. We have to take responsibility for our life. Taking time to look deeper at these patterns that thread throughout our lives, can help us gain perspective.
If we do not make choices to resolve these patterns, we may see them repeat, relationship after relationship, until we release them. Ultimately, you are the only person who knows whether your soul contract with another person has been completed. Listen to your inner voice, your highest self, as it is always speaking to you. When we understand why we came into each other’s lives, it can be easier to see why we may need to let go, and give us insight in how to do so.
If you need some clarity in resolving a painful relationship matter, and feel that looking into the patterns in your life (both past and present) would help you find the resolve that you are seeking, I can help.
Have you ever felt a deep & intense connection with a partner?
Have you felt like there is something more there that you just can’t explain…something profound, something deeper?
Have you found yourself changing for the better, or worse, as a result of a relationship?
Have you ever wondered why you may attract the same types of people over and over again?
Uncovering your relationship karma can help shed some light on the situation, answer some questions, and even release you from a pattern of attracting the same types of people into your life.
We partner with people in order to learn and grow as individuals. Prior to incarnating in this life, we created soul contracts with others to provide situations and opportunities to resolve old karma and patterns. We are here to grow, learn, explore and evolve!
These soul contracts can be found between romantic partners, business partners, family members, friends, and even with people we barely know who make a big impact in our lives; the focus of this blog is on romantic relationships.
Our lives are not scripted, but we do set up cosmic crossroads for ourselves – situations of significance where we get to make a choice to learn, release, and resolve…or not to. Choosing to release the pattern allows us to transcend it and enjoy newfound freedom in life. We get the opportunity to explore the next item on our “to transform” list. We may have one, or several, of these crossroads in the lifetime of a relationship.
What happens if we choose not to release the pattern or to fulfill our karma with a person? By electing to stay in our discomfort, we choose to relive it in this life or in another incarnation. It may result in staying in relationships that no longer serve our highest good. Or, we may find that we attract the same type of partners and situations until we achieve the energetic shift that needs to occur.
Past Life Regression can help you discover:
. Your soul contract with your partner(s) in this life
. How relationship patterns have manifested in this and other incarnations
. Clarity about aspects of your love life, and life in general
. The ability to recognize and release what no longer serves you
If your heart is pulling you toward delving into the past to heal your present, I would love to help you on your journey. Book a Past Life Regression session with me and let’s start exploring – schedule now!
Do you ever feel stuck in a negative emotion? Do you feel like painful emotions are blocking you from the experiences you want in your life? Are you ready to release that sticky energy, but not sure how? Would you like to be able to do it from the comfort of your own home?
Emotions, like clouds, drift through the landscape of our daily lives. Sometimes painful emotions may get stuck, causing our sky to become dark and overcast. Fortunately, there are a variety of ways to get the winds of change blowing to clear things up!
Here are 3 easy ways to begin clearing up stuck emotions and blocked energy at home today!
One of my favorite practices to clear up stuck emotion is to close my eyes and tune in to where I feel the emotion in my body. Once you find it, use your intuition & imagination to discover what the block looks like. Your inner-self already knows the best way to release it – so do that now! Visualize the blockage healing, burning up, being sucked out into a black hole…the options are endless.
Releasing Into Fire
Fire is a symbol of transformation, and is a great tool to help us release the things we are ready to let go of. Take time to write down what you are feeling onto a piece of paper, allowing yourself to really feel the emotion as you write. Alternately, you may prefer to pour the emotion into a flammable object that will act as a symbol of the blockage. After you find a safe place to start a fire, place the paper/object in the flames and visualize the situation transforming as the paper burns.
If you are familiar with acupuncture and acupressure, you may already be familiar with the intricate channels of energy (meridians) that run throughout our bodies. We can cleanly process painful and sticky emotions by tapping on these energy centers. While activating energy points as part of a sequence can be hugely transformative, even tapping on one of them may provide welcome relief. One such point can be activated by tapping firmly, with 4 fingers, just below the ridge of your collarbones. While tapping, allow your mind to cycle through the negative/painful emotions and you may find that the intensity of the emotion begins to lessen.
We all have the innate ability to heal ourselves, and I love providing techniques for my clients to continue their process while at home. Sometimes we need a little extra help to shift out of these energies, and when you do, I am here to assist you through them.
I would love to hear about your favorite techniques!
What is your favorite technique to shake the negative feelings?
Holly Hart is a hypnotherapist & emotional wellness coach based in San Diego who conducts energy healing, hypnotherapy, and past-life journeying services.